POLITICALLY INCORRECT?
April 14, 2009

An example to British politicians and the judiciary alike.

T. B. Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle, Australia, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists.

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:  "If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to
get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say:

Red is positive, Black is negative, and Make sure his nuts are wet'.

When Ralph first noticed that his thingy was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks, his thingy had grown to nearly twenty inches.

 

Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

 

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.

 

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.

 

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

 

"Well," said the wife, "you're going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for  his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - - - - the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy-), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it !'

He never heard the shot..

Funeral on Thursday at Noon .   Closed coffin

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife.

She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'

DUANE
THAT IS REALLY FUNNY, TOO BAD IT'S NOT A  JOKE.

The Pastor's Ass
   

    The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

    The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and it won again.


    The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.


    The next day, the local paper headline Read:
 

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

    This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

    The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:


NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.

    He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the paper read:

    NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

    This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
Donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:


NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

    The bishop was buried the next day.


    The moral of the story is....... Being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery & even shorten your life.


    So be yourself and enjoy life.


    Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and You'll be a lot happier and live longer

Grandma's letter

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.

She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ' For the love of God! '

' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out
the window and gave him the good luck sign right back .

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes from laughing so hard...!!!!..Out here we have those that work the fields at oh dark thirty in the A.M. and driving in the fast lane at 40MPH.  I too sometimes say some very bad words taking the Lords Name in Vain.  But when you come up on someone doing 40MPH in the fast 65MPH fast lane, in the fog at times, it makes for a very quick eye opening experience and checks out your heart and maye even leaves some racing strips in your shorts, sir mam/sir that is another good experience...don

1 The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the
Grass."

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change
yet."

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!


__________________

Weenie Test


Three third graders from Tennessee, an Irish kid, an Italian kid, and a Black kid are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. 'Let's see who has the largest weenie.' He says, 'Okay.' They all agree.

The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.

'That's nothing,' says the Italian kid.. He whips his out and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.

Not to be out done, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far not only the biggest, but the fattest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.
'Oh, we worked on a science project , had a math test and read out loud from a new book and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie.'

'What kind of game is that, honey?' asks the mother.

'Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?

'No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen and still in the third grade.

As a husband and wife are out eating the husband leans over and asks his wife,
'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?  We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'  Yes, she says,  'I remember it well.'  OK,' he says, ' How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'  Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'  A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and
screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence !!