A blind man was feeling his way down the street with his stick, he walked past the fish market and he took a deep breath and said.... "Good Morning ladies!"

ROFLMFAO!!!  

LMAO.....Thanks Duane....


Here's another one I had you in mind for..

BOB THE CHICKEN

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....'

Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Bob.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....

BOB, wake up. You nuts the bed!'

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

The Power of the Badge...



DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.


The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister,  I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.  "See this badge?  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, On any land.  No questions asked or answers given.  Have I made myself clear?  Do you understand?"


The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.


A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull..




With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored  before he reaches safety.  The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...


" Your badge! Show him your BADGE! "

LMAOOOOO,,,,NOW THATS FUNNY..SAD IT ISNT TRUE BUT STILL FUNNY

http://www.break.com/index/unique-order-at-mcdonalds.html


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sw2OvIgoO8

What do you do with a $20,000 Laser engraver???

http://www.break.com/index/laser-engraver-plays-mario-theme.html

Make it play the Super Mario Theme. Of course!!

CRAIG'S LIST ACTUAL AD...Never Happen in California....

AN   ACTUAL   CRAIG'S    LIST PERSONALS   AD

ãâ,¬â,¬

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m.  E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head . . . isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to whereever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cellphone and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.)

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, . . .on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, alongwit all the cash in your wallet. (That made his day!)

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb . . . after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. Ma Bell just now shutdown the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number, etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you . . . but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Alex  

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

Obama healthcare.

speeddoggie wrote on 12/08/09 at 10:35am:



LMAOOO,, very good story..