There is a Muslim passenger in a taxi. He asks the taxi-driver to turn off the radio
He explains that he must not hear music as decreed by his religion , for in the time of the prophet, there was no music ... no radio…….
So the driver turns off the radio, stops the car , leans over and opens the back door.
The Arab asks him : "What are you doing?"
The driver replied : "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out my car and wait for a camel ."

Little Johnnie's Weekend Assignment

The kids filed into class Monday morning.  They were very excited.  Their
weekend
assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive
salesmanship
     Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30" she
said proudly,
"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I
credit that
approach for my obvious success."

"Very good, Sally" said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next, "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I
explained
to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Johnny's turn.  The teacher held her breath, as Johnny
always had
a 'different' take on things.

Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash
on the
teacher's desk.  "$2,467" he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?
"Toothbrushes" said Johnny.

"Toothbrushes" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes
to make that much money?

"I found the busiest corner in town" said Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip
stand, I gave
everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!"

Then I would say, "It is dog crap.  Wanna buy a toothbrush?  I used the
President Obama
method of giving you something crappy, dressing it up so it looks good,
telling you it's free,
and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his little heart...

If you are over 45 years old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Self-Test.



How fast can you guess these words and fill in the blanks?


1.  _ _NDOM


2.  F_ _K


3.  P_N_S


4.   S_X


5. BOO_S





| | | | | | | | | |























Answers:


      1. RANDOM

2. FORK

 3. PANTS

4. SIX

5. BOOKS



You got all five wrong....didn't you?


You do NOT have Alzheimer's


You are a Pervert

The Democrat Party today announced that it is changing its symbol from the Donkey to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the Party's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!
darn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

Late Breaking News about November

It has been leaked to the Press that Barack Obama has chosen Sylvester Stallone for his 2012 running mate, Nancy Pelosi for Secretary of State and is dropping Joe Biden from the ticket.


They will run as "Sambo, Rambo, and Bimbo", without "Dumbo"

Wooliebuger1 wrote on 08/15/12 at 8:55pm:



PRICELESS!!!

* Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her
snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
* Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
* Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in
boxing, but none of them really that serious."
* Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect
the same thing again."
* Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it.
In fact you can see it all over their faces."
* At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC
president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
* Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got
eleven Dicks on the field."
* Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that,
before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh
my God, what have I just said?

Me and seven of my buddies go to this Vegas show. The hypnotist has us come up on stage and he's going to hypnotise all of us. So he does seven of them and I'm left then the dude starts coming over to me and he dropped his mike on his foot!!! He hollers Fu@k-me......what came after that will color my future for ever!!!

available @ Amazon.com

SOMETIMES PEOPLE YOU ARE TRYING TO HELP JUST ARE UNGRATEFUL!!!  HERES
> >> A GOOD EXAMPLE



Today I had to go to Sears.  As I approached the entrance, I noticed a
driver looking for a parking space.  I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap
parking space that was open and available.

The driver looked puzzled,rolled down her window and said,"I'm not
handicapped!"



Well, as you can imagine, my face was red!  "Oh, I'm sorry" I
said. "I saw your Obama bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a
mental disorder."

She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me.

Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them
out!

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
...
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire, sitting having a cold beer.

"nuts Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well, she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am!